Oh, little white pawn, guardsman of the pieces
while you yourself are not considered a “piece”
do not fret your lowly, powerful position.
You have seven friends with you, lined on the row marked “2.”
The evil black pieces loom in the distance
across a marble plain of ebony and ivory squares.
Do not fear them, for you will win
you make the first move:
1. d4
and the game begins.
Little white pawn, it is your destiny
your fate to win this game.
1. …d5
Your counterpart faces you with contempt
written on his spherical black face.
No matter, he will be out of your way soon.
Do not get down on yourself, white guard,
because your annotation does not include even a “P” for “pawn.”
Just think of the Jester Knights, annotated with an “N” instead of a “K,”
and watch the scene unfold as Black’s Italian heritage peeks through
with his delayed Sicilian dragon opening.
Well into the war, the black King and Queen stand
with one space between them, that empty space a rift in their love affair.
Watch as your martyr comrade checks the king and introduces the
ever-powerful royal fork! The black Queen saves her husband at the expense of herself
and the valiant martyr pawn and one of those
silly knights with the “N” annotation are removed from the war.
Beware those dastardly rooks/castles, for they
are the lawn mower to your blade of grass
and the black castle has mowed down three of your
innocent pals from Second Row St., and now he’s after you.
But the White Bishop from First Row St. with the pointy hat will not allow it,
as he blasts the crooked rook in triumph.
Oh, valiant little pawn, all your friends are gone
but a clearly defined path shines in front of you
all the way to Eighth Row St. The black king grieves for
his wife behind a line of Seventh Row St. pawns, the lawn mower
rooks have run out of gas, the Jester Knights lost their humor,
and the bishops’ hats lost their pointyness.
All the other pieces are gone, save for a lone white b-pawn,
the white king seeking to avenge his fair lady’s demise,
and you. Four black pawns and the grieving king are
all that are left for opposition.
March down the board in triumph, for although you are outnumbered,
white will surely win.
52. d5 a4
watch that dastardly black pawn march past you
and continue your quest to be the best.
53. d6 a3
don’t turn back, even with the clamor behind you as:
54. d7 axb2
and your lone Second Row St. buddy is knocked out.
It is only a matter of time before you are promoted
as the spherical black pawn heads turn and watch you in disbelief
Even the black pawn on b2 can do nothing as you triumphantly walk toward row 8.
The black king has no escape from behind the line of guardsmen
that so loyally protected him from death before, and he forsakes
those very same pawns that were only doing their job as you
sharpen your new blade on the grindstone of golden Row 8.
The black pawn on b2 writhes in agony and hatred, so close and yet
so far from his own golden Row 1, but it is your destiny to reach
the promised land, retrieve the mythical blade of promotion and defeat the king, not his.
Go forth, valiant pawn, and seal the fate of
the losing king as you complete the war with:
55. d8=Rook, checkmate
#68 02-22-07
The Indirect Confusion of Desire
Sunday, February 25, 2007 — K.M. RyanWake up to the sound of the alarm clock
swipe at it and hear the crash on the floor
gather clothes off the floor and put them on
drag yourself into your bitterly cold car
and wait in line for 15 minutes while other students drive in
and all you can think about is that dream date
but you just woke up and you can’t think straight.
Daydreaming in the middle of AP Physics
you lose focus when the teacher starts to lecture
force equations and Newton’s laws don’t matter right now
all you can think about is that dream date
but the teacher’s yelling and you can’t think straight.
The late morning bell rings its beckoning
and a sea of students gathers in the cafeteria
You watch the hopeless underclassmen
All the adolescent girls trying to fit in
with their fake hair and overpriced makeup
trying to grab attention from the football stars
and the younger guys with their sophomoric humor
and their awkward mottoes and loud mouths
trying to grab attention from the varsity cheerleaders
and all you can think about is that dream date
but its lunchtime and you can’t think straight
Relaxation is the best at night, and you know that
the best of anyone. You like to write your feelings
late at night when there’s no one to hear the pen scratching
against the paper and the words screaming your secrets
for everyone except you to never hear out loud.
You’d love to tell her everything you feel, but you can’t,
so the paper takes her place, because it doesn’t judge you
and all you can think about is that dream date
but its 3:30 in the morning and you can’t think straight.
#62 02-05-07