I
I felt awkward, dressed in a tuxedo,
black sport coat sprawled over a white dress shirt;
the heavy coat restricted the airflow,
which caused me much sweating and discomfort.
All around me, classmates were chattering,
reminiscing and enjoying the night,
but I couldn’t clearly hear anything,
so I stood and staggered toward the moonlight.
My eyes wandered, my mind stuck in vagrance,
But I struggled through a caffeine headache
and I realized in my mind’s turbulence
that the caffeine was all that kept me awake.
Through my half-closed eyes, I hardly saw you,
but still you provided a stunning view.
II
You’re an indulgence I didn’t deserve,
but still, you were mine for a little while;
a man, self-conscious, nervous and reserved,
and a woman with a grand sense of style,
out on the dance floor, hands clasped together,
my dark eyes frozen to your smiling face,
doubting that there could be something better
than to be with you in that moment and place.
I drowned in the sweet scent of your perfume
as we pressed together for one slow dance.
I pretended no one else was in the room
so that this little spark of our romance
could become my one last parting memory
since, after tonight, you’d be gone from me.
#263 02-20-08
Friday, February 22, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Another good one, nice rhyme scheme.
i must say, it was fun to rhyme words like ‘turbulence’ and ‘tuxedo.’
Friday, February 22, 2008 at 9:46 pm
i think this was a very intimately painted portrait,, i felt as if i could feel him the nerves the scattered thoughts,, the hoping it would never end….. very well done….
Thanks. Glad you came by again.
Saturday, February 23, 2008 at 4:04 pm
The last stanza is so romantic. Really lovely.
Thanks.
Saturday, February 23, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Immediately I was thinking of a painting in the style of the grand romantics! Maybe an impressionistic Rubens or Renoir!
Just beautiful!
Smiles and Light
Thanks, and thanks for stopping by, i hope you come by again to read more.
Sunday, February 24, 2008 at 6:53 am
wow!!!!! “This little spark of romance” You are going to be famous!! your poems are so expressive, and so thoughtful.
milou
I don’t know about “famous” but it’s nice to see a little bit of a crowd gathering and reading my poetry. Thanks for stopping by, i hope you will come back to read more.
Monday, February 25, 2008 at 8:02 am
some strong images here. i feel it get a bit prosey now and then. perhaps heighten the language a bit. also, maybe strike a few words that may be superflous. up to you. thanks!!! hope you’re well.
i don’t know if you noticed when you read through the first time, but it was supposed to be a double sonnet, so some of the words are not really superfluous and words get drab sometimes because they have to fit the rhyme scheme and the meter. otherwise i may have used different words.
Thursday, February 28, 2008 at 7:44 am
just checkin’ in. hope you’re well.
Thursday, February 28, 2008 at 12:29 pm
nice one there, prom memories!!
The first half was memories, the second half i made up. I don’t know if you’re at all familiar with the word vagrance, it is a variation of Vagrancy, which means “mental wandering; reverie; a wandering in mind or thought” (i.e. the second sonnet was purely an imaginary scene).
Thursday, February 28, 2008 at 9:28 pm
You create a sensuous, romantic scene, leaving me wanting the pair to see each other again. I loved the formal clothing, the dance floor, the beautiful woman. My imagination supplied the handsome man. You describe a world far from my life, yet made me want to enter. Great poem!
Thursday, March 6, 2008 at 3:06 pm
hi again.
Thursday, March 6, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Mmm… very nice work! I too am reminded of a prom, lo these many years ago.
The rhymes were so subtle that I actually didn’t notice them at all on my first read, and only when I realized you’d written a sonnet did I go back and realize that yes, they were there. I think that’s a fabulous thing – structures that force us to rhyme can lead to sing-song rhyming that drives me crazy.
Thursday, March 6, 2008 at 4:50 pm
I stopped by, come let me know when you post!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009 at 10:31 pm
“my dark eyes frozen to your smiling face,
doubting that there could be something better
than to be with you in that moment and place.”
wow. thats all i got to say.